Embracing the Power of AND
"Your assumptions are your windows on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light won't come in." - Isaac Asimov
We live in a world obsessed with labels based on biases. Strong or weak. Kind or cruel. Masculine or feminine. Society pressures us to choose, to fit neatly into pre-defined categories. But what if the truth lies in the spaces between? What if we can embrace the "and" – the seemingly contradictory aspects of ourselves – and find freedom in our own unique complexity?
Strong or kind? Leader or listener? Good person or rebel? Good mom or selfish? Why do we have to choose? I've allowed the opinion of others to impacted me for too long and it's time for me to speak my truth so that I may inspire others to open their minds and break free from the biases. Join me as I share my own journey of the power of embracing my "and" – the truth that seemingly opposite qualities can coexist within us.
Strength & Kindness
I am strong—mentally and physically. I push myself, embrace challenges, and don't back down. But I am also kind and compassionate. I believe in empathy and understanding. I see the best in people, even when they don't see it in themselves.
Why do we assume that strength and kindness are mutually exclusive? Why must we choose between being tough and being tender? I believe true strength lies in embracing both. It's about having the courage to be vulnerable, to show compassion, even when the world tells you to harden yourself.
The Research:
A study by Google found that the best teams had psychological safety, meaning members felt comfortable taking risks and being vulnerable in front of each other. A key component of this is leaders who balance firmness with compassion. (Source: "re:Work - The five keys to a successful Google team")
A 2019 study by the Center for Creative Leadership found that 61% of employees reported higher levels of engagement and motivation when their leaders demonstrated compassion. (Source: CCL research report on compassionate leadership)
Open your mind to the possibility that strength and kindness can coexist and even amplify each other. True strength isn't about suppressing emotions but channeling them effectively to support yourself and others.
Leadership & Listening
I am a leader. I have a vision, and I strive to inspire others. But I also know that true leadership isn't about barking orders or dominating the conversation. It's about listening—truly listening.
It's about understanding the perspectives of others, valuing their input, and creating a space where everyone feels heard and respected. Leadership is not about having all the answers; it's about asking the right questions and empowering others to find their own solutions.
The Research:
Salesforce found that 72% of employees believe expressing opinions freely is essential to job satisfaction (Salesforce, Employee engagement research).
Research by Josh Bersin shows that companies with inclusive leaders (those who listen) are 1.7 times more likely to be innovation leaders (Bersin, Inclusive leadership research).
Open your mind and challenge the traditional image of a leader. Effective leadership is built on collaboration and empathy, not just authority.
Goodness and Self-Expression
I am a good person. I strive to be kind, honest, and respectful. I'm not perfect, but I care about others and try to make a positive impact on the world. But I also have tattoos, piercings, and I express myself through my appearance. In the past, I've hidden those things away to conform to how others perceive them. I want to wear my hair how I want, dress how I want, and I don't feel the need to hide it anymore. None of us should.
Why do we judge people based on their outward appearance? Why do we equate tattoos and piercings with rebellion or a lack of morality? Why do we judge at all? How people look, what they want to be called, how they identify themselves and who they choose to love? Goodness resides in our hearts and actions, not in our conformity to outdated societal norms.
The Research:
A 2017 study showed that people who felt authentic had 26% higher well-being and 15% lower stress (Authenticity and Well-Being: The Benefits of Authenticity, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 2017).
Open your mind to the idea that a "good person" can look, be, and love however they choose. Embrace the freedom of self-expression. Challenge the stereotypes that limit our understanding of what it means to be truly good.
Good Mother & Taking Care of Me
I am a devoted mother who loves my children fiercely. But I also know that I can't pour from an empty cup. I learned this the hard way and it took several chronic health conditions and autoimmune diseases to make huge changes in my life. Now, I work to prioritize self-care, invest in my new found passions, and allow myself to have bad days without guilt.
Taking care of you isn't selfish or make you a bad parent. A happy, fulfilled parent is a better parent.
Successful & Present
I'm ambitious and driven, but I refuse to sacrifice my well-being for the sake of "success" as defined by others. I work hard, but I also prioritize my family, my health, and my personal growth.
I got very clear on my needs, reframed my limiting thinking, and trusted myself to forge a new path. My success in life is defined by living a balanced and fulfilling life where I can be grounded and present in all that life has to offer, not just chasing external achievements defined by others.
Confident & Vulnerable
I am working towards being confident in who I am and what I bring to the world in all areas of my life. But I also embrace my vulnerability. I allow myself to feel my emotions fully, I'm learning to ask for help when I need it, and to show my authentic self, even when it's scary or makes others uncomfortable. True confidence comes from embracing our whole selves, imperfections and all. Other people's discomfort is not my job to fix.
Kindness & Boundaries
This was a big one for me and something I still have to work on daily. I believe in kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. But I needed to establish boundaries before I gave all I had to others again. I believe in setting healthy boundaries because true kindness is about honoring ourselves as well as others.
Confident & Embracing Femininity
On my journey of healing, I've found joy in photography, gravitating towards powerful imagery of women embracing their femininity. I love seeing the beauty and strength of women expressed in ways that exude confidence. I set out to recreate some of these images myself, but when I thought about sharing them, I felt shame. I knew, intellectually, that I shouldn't feel this way, and it had to be some subconscious bias that I held of how people would perceive these photos. Would people think I was seeking attention, believe I was having a "mid-life" crises. I was, but not in the way you are thinking. So, I challenged that belief. I created those photos, ensuring they aligned with my values, and posted them. This is me embracing all of me - my health journey, my late 40s body, my tattoos, my internal power as someone who identifies with being feminine.
Open your mind to self expression, to different definitions of femininity, celebrate and embrace our journey to confidence and challenge societal norms that would shame others for being authentic.
Neurodivergent & Intelligent
I'm like many women my age who were overlooked as being neurodivergent. As a result, I became a perfectionist and struggled with anxiety. My brain works differently, and society doesn't always support those differences. But just because my brain works differently doesn't mean I'm not intelligent. It's just different, and with all things that are different, it has its own beauty.
It's important to recognize that intelligence is multifaceted. Neurodivergent individuals may have different cognitive profiles than neurotypical individuals, with strengths in areas like visual-spatial reasoning, creativity, and problem-solving. (Source: Howard Gardner's theory of multiple intelligences). However, without the right awareness, environment, and support those super strengths can't be realized.
Let's challenge the stigma surrounding neurodiversity and embrace the power of different minds.
A Call to Action
We are living in a time of great division and fear. But we also have the opportunity and power to make some positive change. It starts with each of us choosing love over hate, compassion over judgment, and authenticity over conformity. Easier said that done, I know. Are you ready to open your mind and start dismantling the biases that have been programmed into your beliefs? And those who are ready to embrace their AND, please join the conversation. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
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